THE TORTURE IS REAL: How to Get Out of Your Head
By Eileen Der Aris, Certified Life Coach for Young Adults
Young adults (and possibly most of us) often find times in their lives where they just feel stuck. Maybe it’s a song that is stuck in their head, a fight with mom, an idea for a plan they’ve been working on, stuck in the past or with what step they want to take next in life…either way, they just feel stuck.
The problem is that when people are struggling, they feel paralyzed as if they can’t move forward. Words swirl round and round in their heads and they feel like they will never get out. It is as if the thoughts are in control of them instead of them being in control of their own thoughts.
The majority of our thoughts are not so upbeat when we are in mind-wandering mode (A.K.A “in your head,”) so, we’re not focusing on how to find a solution for our issue. The brain’s default mode network (DMN) is “on,” which means that the brain defaults to this kind of worried based thinking much of the time. Studies have shown that this is why many people are unhappy in life, as a result, productivity lessens and the worry continues.
So, what do we do? When the ego takes over with brooding, we need is to “snap,” out of it. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD! GET INTO YOUR HEART. When we connect with what we feel, we can often get the answer we are looking for or at least feel more in control of our thoughts.
3 Easy Tricks to Begin to Get “Unstuck.”
- Breathe. Yeah, I know everyone says that, but it works! When you take deep breaths, it slows the mind down. Diaphragmatic breathing, sometimes called belly breathing, causes you to expand your belly. When you picture the breath traveling from your diaphragm, to your chest cavity and out your nose, your focus shifts from unwanted thoughts to relaxation. For more information on this type of breathing visit https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-to-breathe-with-your-belly-89853 or consult an expert in this area.
- Create an affirmation and repeat it several times throughout the day, especially when the ruminating thoughts approach. How can one simple sentence help you get unstuck? Jack Canfield, most known for co-authoring, Chicken Soup for the Soul, says that daily affirmations are to the mind what exercise is to the body. It reprograms the unconscious mind for success. This is a sentence you create to reframe the negativity in your mind. Say it to yourself or even out loud, as if it is already occurring. For example, instead of, “My life is a mess because I don’t know what I want to do,” change it to, “I am living an exciting life where the possibilities are endless.” As you make these statements, the body starts to feel what that success could feel like. It is okay if you don’t believe it at first. The body doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what isn’t real, but the feelings create the focus you need to accomplish your goals and help with the challenges along the way.
- Visualization. This takes the affirmation one step further and it can be a fun one. Time to use your imagination and play! You take several deep breaths until you quiet your mind and feel more relaxed. Then picture a future desired event as it is happening. Just like the affirmations, make sure you use language as if it is occurring today. One example is to imagine it is one year from now and what you desire is actually occurring. Verbalize or write out what you see while including how you feel in the vision. (Please, please quiet that pesky voice that says you are being unrealistic or uses any other negative language, as it will only reinforce the undesired result!) When we visualize our dreams, we begin to see, hear, feel, taste and touch what it genuinely feels like to be there. According to experts, neurons transmit the information from our imaginations to be the same as real-life action. When we visualize, the brain tells our neurons to “perform” the movement. The brain opens a new pathway to create new behaviors. This primes our body to act in a way consistent with what we imagined. Therefore, this imagery occurs without having performed the activity, yet it achieves a similar result! Try it out.
No one likes the feeling of being stuck. When we are, we feel like a victim of our situation since we are paralyzed by the unknown in a self-imposed prison and feel unable to accomplish anything. Take these simple steps to work your way out of that situation by quieting that mind and imagining what your future could look like, without all of those “stories” in your head taking over. Give yourself the gift of time during this holiday season and find out many the many possibilities that life can offer! If you need help or have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I love talking about this stuff!
Happy Holidays to you and your families!
With Warmth and Respect,
Eileen Der Aris, MS, Ed, CPC, ELI-MP
Rising Adults Coaching
Certified Life Coach for Young Adults
www.RisingAdultsCoaching.com
Eileen@Risingadultscoaching.com
516-650-2540