10 Ways to Help Your Young Adult Mentally Prepare for College- Part 1
By Eileen Der Aris, Certified Life Coach for Young Adults
Even with life’s uncertainty, many young adults are preparing for college in the fall. They choose their schedules, write essays, fill out forms, shop for their dorm, and select their roommates, but what do they do to get ready emotionally? Many people, especially young adults, are struggling with anxiety and depression, so you, as the parent of a soon-to-be college student, may be wondering: how can I help my child be inwardly prepared for this significant life transition?
You have been preparing your child for this moment for years, but there are several other strategies that you can help with now before they leave. I will list 5 in this newsletter and 5 more in the next.
1. Review problem-solving strategies
As parents, we have always been here for our children as a sounding board or to figure out what to do when a problem arises. Although we will still be available by phone or text, issues will come up that they will not be sure of how to handle like issues with roommates or a professor. One method for helping your young person is to discuss their fears and ask themselves, “what’s the worst that can happen?” For example, if it turns out, your son or daughter cannot live with their roommate any longer, what would they do?? Together, you decide on what actions they might take in the scenario. Most of us worry about the future, so we anticipate that something challenging will happen when it is doubtful that it will. If something does, there is usually a solution, and by calmly talking about it, your young adult can realize that they have the ideas and skills to handle whatever life throws them.
2. How to deal with difficult emotions
Most people, young and old alike, don’t enjoy the feelings of frustration, loneliness, rejection, anxiety, or depression, nor do they know how to deal with those feelings. Learning to recognize and identify those emotions gives your young person the understanding that they can choose how to help themselves through a tough time. When your son feels lonely, he may tell you that writing in his journal helps. If your daughter gets frustrated, she might say that going for a run is something she would do to her work through those tough emotions. Discussing it ahead of time minimizes the fear and empowers young adults to realize that they can choose how to help themselves independently.
3. Creating Boundaries
Instances arise where your children could be in a situation where they don’t feel comfortable. While parents can’t be there for protection, they can help them to develop more confidence in themselves. The more comfortable a person feels in their shoes, the better they will be at saying no when the gut says not a good idea. To learn more about how to help your young adult develop confidence, check out: https://www.risingadultscoaching.com/september-2019-went-to-the-confidence-store-but-they-were-sold-out-3-steps-to-develop-more-confidence-in-yourself/,
contact me or any life coach you trust.
4. Give them space
As a parent of a college-aged person, I know how hard this one is. Parent-child relationships tend to be closer in today’s times, so the urge to text and call often is more than understandable. Giving them the room to function without us checking in too often gives them a chance to adjust without us. More importantly, are the messages we are giving our children. When allowing your son or daughter the space to function on their own, especially when they first arrive at school, tells them that you know they’ve got this, and you believe in them. Knowing that you believe in them and that you aren’t continually worrying gives them peace of mind to focus on their new surroundings. They will know that you are there when you need them.
5.Create opportunities for independence
Now is the perfect time for practice. Show your kids how to do the laundry. Believe it or not, it’s not apparent to everyone that new red shirts will make white socks turn pink. Giving your young adult more things to do, like making a necessary phone call on their own or having a system to remember to take medications without you reminding them, will start building self-reliance while still living at home. We may love doing things for our kids and feel bad asking them to do these things themselves, but this is about you teaching them to be independent. They may not be happy about you asking them to do these things, but they will thank you later.
This transition is tough for both parents and students, especially with the uneasiness of the way the world is today. Arming your young adults with some tools can make the tough times a little bit easier. As I have mentioned before, our kids might not take well to their parents, “teaching” their kids anything. (Mine have rolled their eyes here or there…) Please feel free to contact me for ways to talk to your young adults so they will actually hear you!
Next month, I will share five more ways to help your young adult feel more mentally prepared to go away to school. For now, spend your time together doing things that you both enjoy and stay safe!
With Warmth and Respect,
Eileen
Eileen Der Aris, MS, Ed, CPC, ELI-MP
Rising Adults Coaching
Certified Life Coach for Young Adults
www.RisingAdultsCoaching.com
Eileen@Risingadultscoaching.com
516-650-2540